On Aging with Pride

I am 60 years old. My father had Parkinson's. My mother had congestive heart failure and severe osteoporosis. Our son had asthma growing up. Welcome to the “sandwich generation” of baby boomers, caring for our children and parents.

Every time I present a seminar or continuing education program, I remind the participants that we are in the business of improving quality of life. Our products and services enable others to maintain or better their daily lives. And when we are suddenly faced with the sobering reality of caring for our parents, spouses or children, we learn firsthand how vital their mental and emotional well-being is to their physical health.

Once upon a time, I was greatly inspired by listening to and spending weekend retreats with Richard Alpert, a brilliant Harvard professor who called himself Ram Dass and wrote the book Be Here Now (yes, I am dating myself). A few years ago, he published another book, Still Here, that once again inspired me.

“The so-called problem of aging is trumpeted everywhere we turn,” writes Ram Dass. “We, the aging, are viewed as a burden instead of a resource … The overwhelming message we're sent is that aging is a great social ill, a drain on society, and an affront to esthetics … In a culture where information is prized over wisdom, however, old people become obsolete, like yesterday's computers. But the real treasure is being ignored: Wisdom is one of the few things in human life that does not diminish with age.”

Ram Dass now writes and speaks from a wheelchair, the result of a massive stroke. He compared his transition from his “old” life to his current situation as having to once again live through the “terrible twos.”

He notes that dependency is very difficult for us to accept because we value independence so highly. Physical frailty and impairments strip us of our traditional roles, leaving us without a sense of purpose or opportunities for achievement.

“Most people believe that what they do is who they are,” he writes, “… and as our lives change, we experience boredom, depression, despair and disempowerment.”

I recently experienced a similar situation, having an accidental fall from a ladder and ending up with blunt force trauma to my leg, bruised ribs and a concussion. Being dependent is scary and depressing when you have always been in control of your own life.