Sales Notebook
The Perfect Job
News flash: Louis Feuer has decided to look for a job. Well, not just any position. I want a sales representative job like the one I hear about from business owners every week. I didn't think they still existed, but I have been proven wrong.
I want the job where:
-
I do not have to do anything but minimal paperwork.
-
I know the owner or sales manager will probably not look at my reports.
-
I can tell the owner or sales manager, “Just give me time, more time to build relationships that generate money. A year's worth of time would be great.”
-
I don't have to go to the office during the day unless I feel like it.
-
I receive a cell phone, a car allowance and a big marketing budget.
-
I don't need to find new accounts but can live off the success of the company and/or the previous sales representative.
-
I only have to talk about one or two products and don't need to learn about the entire business.
-
The boss is afraid of me, instead of my being afraid of the boss.
-
I can continue to ask for and receive raises since someone is concerned I might leave and take the business with me.
-
I can spend the day giving out gift items, order lunch, then just sit back and see if that makes the telephone ring.
If there is not a job in your company like this one, you are off the hook. You need not read any further. For the others, let's move on. (I hesitate to call these roles a “position” since I may be elevating the value of the work. “Job” seems to be the best name for this too prevalent salesperson.)
Now, I already know these jobs exist in the industry. What is annoying me is that no one has considered me for any of these jobs. I know how to delay getting things done. I know how to do lunch. I could easily adjust to living off the success of others, and have always resented paying my own cell phone bill. I would enjoy a car allowance. At the current price of gas, I would love to send those bills to my boss, and the opportunity to threaten just one person with the idea of my leaving.
For more than 35 years I have searched and searched for this job, and only now have I come to realize how many of you in sales management have the opening I am looking for.
What's going on? Are we afraid to manage? Do we become so attached to our employees that we have little regard for their productivity? Do we find it easier simply to pay salaries, Social Security, withholding taxes and benefits — and not ask for work in return?
